Disconnection
by rucHicHan
Summary: She tried to gulp the flames burning inside her throat but failed to do so as the fire continued to spread inside her entire body every time she felt her chest clenched.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Disconnection

Prompt Word: Link (for RyoSaku month)

Ryoma Echizen glanced at his girlfriend for two years as she walked out of the door. His shoulders visibly relaxed but still feeling defeated and exhausted even if he knew that his reasons are rational, not that it is his opinion but it is technically how he sees it. She just kept on saying he is too eager in justifying his excuses for being late in their dinner date last night and why doesn't he just say sorry to end this stupid argument.

His eyes narrowed at the thought. First, he wasn't making excuses; he was trying to explain the situation to her. It was not even his fault in the first place that Momoshiro's wife chose to labor in front of him after seeing her in his office so why should he say sorry? Of course, Ann is his best friend's wife; he couldn't just watch her suffer in front of him, he might not get out alive if something bad happened to her. Then what made him more disappointed is that after telling this, she just winced and said, "It's not even like you who know how to take care of someone who is in pain…" –and with that painful look in her eyes and walked out the door.

Is he that cold hearted? Okay, he admitted it. He was a rude boy back when they were in junior high school but that was already long time ago. Why can't she just move on and leave what happened in the past behind her tail?

Second, it's not even he is always late. Like, he could even count in his fingers the number of incidents he wasn't able to go to their date on time but there were a lot of reasons behind that, too. It's not even like they were always on a date to begin with, so why whine like a tight mother?

And lastly, how dare she would tell him this is a stupid argument when she started it in the first place. If she wasn't too tight about attendance matter and revisiting occasions happened in the past then everything will be fine. He couldn't just bear that she locked him out of his own pad and let him sleep outside last night. The moment she decided to _talk_ to him, she kept on brushing him off like she already knew what he is going to say.

He walked towards their shared bed and sat with his elbow leaning against his hips as one hand travelled on his nape.

This is not even Sakuno he used to know anymore. She… just changed. He didn't know when it started but realization struck him last night when he saw her in tears as she closed the door in his face. She used to be his cheerleader back when they were younger. Honestly, he find her annoying most of the time… the fact she is also friends with the annoying fangirl and self-proclaimed president of his fan club he didn't even know if it really exists.

She used to be cheerful, too cheerful, honestly – always preparing lunch boxes for him, trying to comfort him when he was annoyed, making him smile as possible as she could and attending all of his tennis matches until they entered their college years. She is always there… never gone, never absent, never sad.

He admitted he isn't the typical boyfriend everyone got. In fact, he was drunk when he blurted out he liked her while she was attending him and that was where they started to date. Nothing really changed though; he still treated her like before. He couldn't just bring her to restaurants or movie houses because of his incredibly abnormal schedule but he still tried. But then, honestly, it felt like she tried so hard to keep up with his lifestyle… always there for him, waiting… didn't even bother to complain.

So probably, unconsciously, he just took her for advantage.

He got up, eyes blazing with resolve. He placed his hands inside his pockets and started walking out of his apartment, tracing the path towards an impending foreign emotion that is starting to burn a hole somewhere inside him.

A/N: Link is a huge word, that's all. And I am sorry for being suddenly out of action after inviting everyone for the RyoSaku month. I ALREADY HAD THIS BEFORE THE FIRST WEEK OF AUGUST BUT FIALED TO POST IT BEFORE THE DEADLINE. I am sorry FujiSaku. This is for you.

PS. There is supposed to be a companion fic for this chapter so leave a review if you want me to post the second part… and you will hate me. Haha.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Disconnection

Prompt: RyoSaku, Link

Chapter 2

_I am a fool_

I lean my head against a hard concrete and inhale deeply, trying to gulp the flames burning inside my throat. However, I can still feel the pain as the fire continued to spread inside my entire system every time I feel my chest clenched.

I bit my lower lip, as hardly as I can – too much that I wish I can't feel anything anymore. I wish to feel numb. Sometimes, emptiness is comforting.

I am not angry over small things. Ryoma-kun isn't just being fair, that's all. I just want to make our relationship work.

When we were younger, I just go with the flow because I believe that feeling happy when we were together is more important than discussing those distances and limits we have – besides, we were still young.

But as we grow, I see things I never wanted to believe. I am not scared to begin with but the possible elements that will widen the growing gap between us confused me. This confusion, however, as it stays with me and the more I avoid thinking about it, makes feel uncertain. Am I going to stay? Does he still need me?

I want to tell him all these things but he is also making it harder for me. I always try to understand him but I have to admit that it's getting harder and harder to remind myself that this is Ryoma Echizen we are talking about.

People change. I change. And he didn't.

How are you supposed to tell him your frustrations and all these negative feelings when he is not even there half the time? I feel alone building up a wall against myself. I have been telling my head several times a day that I shouldn't overthink, pushed these feelings away as much as I could. I tried harder and harder, day by day.

…and I just feel tired.

I never thought that I will feel this way someday. Sometimes, even if you really love a person, no matter how large your emotion is for a person, when your body, head and heart became exhausted – you will slowly loosen your grasp and just let things happen on its own.

I thought everything will still be okay, you know?

Then suddenly, I realized… everything's falling short and all I can do is just sit and watch as the fire slowly turns our connection into cold ashes.

And it downs to me a small realization that pins me up and I just can't breathe – if I just let things happen and all these stuff went into a horrible madness, then after all – I was just only who is making things work.

I just can't do it anymore.

I was alone, always alone and especially alone when it hits me. And then, he was late. He made excuses, didn't say he was sorry, didn't even look like one… and said all those things. I feel like drowning.

I tried to open my arms, push myself up but the gravity pulls me down… and the sadness the weighs too much inside-

I walked out the door.

A/N: Next and last chapter will be posted soon.


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